Friday, July 8, 2016

My Usual Random Updates

~I'm very sporadic with my posts.  My internet is awful here.  Sometimes I lose full blog posts and give up and sometimes I can't even get my computer to connect right.

~Still dating "Nice Guy".  He's wonderful.  We have done so many fun things in the last 3 months, probably more fun things that I did in 10 years of being with someone else...He even got to meet my best friend and he got her approval.

~Nice Guy's kids and the girls are getting along pretty well.  Annika and his son are two harder ones to deal with.  Annika can be a bit of a monster at times and it annoys his son who can also be a monster at times.  The two little girls (they're both 4) are pretty easy going and fine together.

~I'm really hoping to blog more, I say it all the time but I do enjoy it.

~One of the most upsetting things when dating someone new is them not getting to meet your parents.  I would have loved for my parents to meet Nice Guy.  He's interested in meeting some of my family but honestly there are not many people to meet...

~I did have dinner with my 2 aunts, my uncle and his wife a few weeks ago (it was an evening where Nice Guy couldn't make it).  My whole family told me how great it was that I'm divorced now and that they hated who I was married to.  Isn't that crazy?  So many people have told me that since we've been divorced but no one ever said anything before!

~I've now hung out with Nice Guy's parents and grandmother a few times.  They're a very nice family.  I'm so glad I met him.  So far he's just perfect.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Vacation Week From Hell

I took the week off since Annika's summer camp was closed this week.  We had a full agenda ready to go.

Tuesday: I was going to take Annabel to school and Annika and I were going to go to a water park up in Tampa for the day.

Wednesday: We were going to pick up the girls's babysitter and head to the beach.  The girls's dad was also going to be out there because his sister is here on vacation.

Thursday: Zoo day, we have an annual pass and have only used it once so far.

Friday: Pool day and recovery from our busy week.

What we actually did this week.

Tuesday: Dropped Annabel off at school and 2 minutes later they called us to say that she puked all over the place.  Picked her up, came back home, she puked some more. Took a 3 hour nap because why not? Later that night Annika decided to join in the fun and puked all over her bed.

Wednesday: Did 4 loads of laundry.  Annabel puked after I had her dressed for the beach.  Canceled the beach trip.  Their babysitter is actually sick too anyway.  Later in the day Annabel tells me her butt is "sweaty", she's actually pooped herself and it's liquid...1 more load of laundry.  We watch "Pitch Perfect" together because if I watch one more episode of "Monster High" or "Sofia the First" I will LOSE MY MIND.  Took another 3 hour nap.

Thursday: 1am, Annabel poops herself along with her pajamas, a towel I had under her, her sheets, the waterproof cover on her mattress, her blanket (which I washed the day before already) and her pillows.  I call her dad yelling that he better wake up, bring over Pedilyte, diapers (or pull ups), wipes and diaper rash cream.  I throw the poop laundry at him for him to do at his apartment (he has a washer and dryer, I have a "facility").  Go back to bed with Annabel in my room, she poops again, it goes through the pull up and onto another towel.  Wake up at 3am and do 2 more loads of laundry hoping to not get murdered in the middle of the night going to the laundry facility.  Poop calms down.  Since all of our plans have been canceled for the week now I take the girls to Walmart (because who cares if they puke in there, right?) and tell them they can each pick out a $15 toy.  I also buy "Pitch Perfect 2".  On the way home Annabel poops herself again.  Clean her up, take a 3 hour nap, poops again, load the girls up in the car to pay $70 to go to an Urgent Care Center where the guy tells me to give her Pepto Bismol which I didn't originally give her because it said not to give to kids under 12.  If I had known I could have given her it I would have done it 2 days ago!

Now the girls are in bed.  Annika has been fine for the past 2 days.  My fingers are crossed that Annabel is good enough for school tomorrow so that Annika and I can do the water park (we can't take her because she's not tall enough for almost any of the slides).  If she's not okay enough we might try to go to the movies and keep Annabel in her pull up to prevent any major accidents.  I need to get out of this apartment!!!  The good news is that my sick is super clear from not wearing any makeup for 3 days, my hair seems super healthy from not styling it or doing anything with it for 3 days and my apartment is SUPER clean!

I'm totally ready to go back to work.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Updates Updates Updates

*For the first time in 6 months we have Internet again!  Which means more blogging!

*I'm still dating Nice Guy and he's completely perfect.  It's been 2 months now.  Our kids all get along for the most part (just silly little fights over sharing or driving each other crazy) and I've now met his parents, grandmother, sister, niece and nephew.

*We've also exchanged the "l-word".  I felt like it was the most genuine time someone has said it to me and I hope I remember forward how he told me "I've fallen in love with you".  I never would have thought that I'd meet such an amazing person on a dating website who also happens to live less than 1/2 a mile from my apartment!

*Annika finished kindergarten!  Her last day was yesterday!  She's wearing her "crazy cat lady" dress :)

*Annika's graduation was last Friday and she requested that I buy her a "fancy pink dress".  I nailed it.  She was adorable.

*The girls had their dance recital last Sunday.  This was Annika's 4th recital (she's a pro now at only 6 years old!) and Annabel's first ever recital.  Annika had a tap and ballet dance and did perfect in both.  Annabel was a doll too!  She did soooo good that I cried!  My baby!

*Tuesday Annika had her end of the year field trip to the YMCA water park.  I got to go and we had fun but poor Annabel cried because she didn't get to go.  I ended up picking Annabel up early from school that day to surprise her and take her to a water fountain playground before we picked up Annika from school.

*Tomorrow we're going with Nice Guy and all 4 kids to the zoo!  Should be fun!

Friday, May 20, 2016

1 Year

It was exactly a year ago when I started the slow unravel of my life that I just wasn't happy with.  This was the day that I realized that for a very long time I was faking happiness in photos, blog posts and life in general.  The life I was living was suffocating me.  I couldn't be myself.  I was depressed.  I needed out.

In all reality I could have stayed.  I could have blocked out the judgmental comments, the constant need to control my ever move, the insults, the controlling behaviors....even the single marriage therapy session I went to, I could have participated more but once the talks started I shut down.  Why?  Why am I hear listening to lies?

But what example would that be for the girls?  Do I want them to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to do the things that were going on in our home?  Do I want them to see me stressed and upset all the time?  The fights?

For me it wasn't going to get better.  There were always theses phases of time where things seemed a little better but then they'd get bad.

I wasn't perfect either but after so long I just gave up, shut down, over it.

One year ago I was miserable and when I look at my life today I cannot believe the change.

Nice Guy and I are still dating, last night we went to his son's baseball game..  It was fun!  The girls (Annika, Annabel and his daughter) played the entire time.  I caught them a few times walking around holding hands together.  His son told him he was glad we came and watched him play (it's going to take a while to win over his son, he's 10 and very protective of his dad).

Last weekend Nice Guy and I went to a theme park just the two of us and had an amazing weekend together.  He's a total gentlemen, quiet, calm, fun to be with...

The girls are happier too.  They've both told me they like having two homes...I was so worried that this whole thing would mess them up, while things could still happen right now they are so happy.

You only have one life so you just have to do what you need to in order to make it a happy one and in one year I have fully accomplished that.  I cannot wait to see what's to come.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Dreading Father's Day Early

We just had Mother's Day and mine was wonderful.  It's usually a tough day because I don't have a mom and this year my mom's birthday fell on the same day.  I made it through it though.

Father's Day is going to be rough.  I'm actually trying to figure out who I know doesn't have a father so I can make plans with them!  How sad is that?

The girls will be with their dad that day.  Nice Guy and his kids will probably do something with his dad (I don't want to be in the way of that day for them).

All I can think is that I'll be all alone that day and it feels weird.  What do I do with myself?

I'm hoping I can come with something to keep me busy...

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

My Girl

My Annika, she's so much different than her sister.

She's sensitive but tough.

She claims to be shy but there's not a single person she won't talk to.

She refuses to watch anyone get bullied at school, she calls out bullies right to their face!

She knows what she likes and doesn't like and isn't afraid to tell anyone.

Sometimes she can be a bit of a brat, like today at school when it was Muffins for Mom's day and she wouldn't sit next to me to have a muffin!

I know when she's tired in the afternoons after school because she'll be mean to me and Annabel and 2 seconds later she's slouched over in her car seat asleep.

She can run!  She runs like a pro and FAST!

She's completely fearless and people can tell right away (like Nice Guy who can't believe the crazy stuff she does but likes that I let her do her own thing).

I've tried to make her into my little ballerina or tap dancing star but I've failed.  She's much too tough so this year we're looking into gymnastics!

She looks just like her daddy, enough that even he gets freaked out about her facial expressions.

She loves music class and wants to sing on a big stage!

Us together at the Mother's Day Tea at school

Making my cake for Mother's Day

Her boyfriend at school gave her a rose so now they're married!

Muffins for Mom's this morning in our forced picture because she was dying to go play on the playground!

Love her.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

The Good Mom

It's different now this year that I'm considered a single mom.  Even though I rarely got a Mother's Day gift from the girls' dad he would at least acknowledge that I was a good mom, but after a while his words lost meaning to me.

Today my neighbors who see me daily stopped over to give me a Mother's Day gift.  These are people that we say a quick "good morning" to and sometimes a "good afternoon".  We see them down in our laundry facility or at our mailbox.  The girls have gone over to their apartment to pet their dogs a few times with me.  They brought me a card, some little molds for making chocolate and a balloon and they thanked me for being a good mother to the girls.  It's amazing when people with very little interaction with you can tell things like that.

Nice Guy noticed it too and told me he really likes dating someone who is such a wonderful mother.  That means the world to me now.  I'm trying to maintain some balance in the girls' lives as we've gone through this divorce together.  I always tell my friends my main goal in life is to "not fuck up the girls".

Even the ex's girlfriend has told me what a great job I'm doing with the girls.

I'm trying.  If you follow me on Facebook you'll see that we've been very into doing lots of "fun" experiences this year.  We're limiting money we spend on "stuff" in order to have experiences together.  We're all loving this new life we've started this year.

So when someone calls me a Good Mom I feel really good about all the decisions I've made.  I love these girls more than anything.