Wednesday, April 26, 2017

What To Do When Dad Sucks

I'm kind of over "holding back" on things.

The girls' dad, the one who used to seem like such a great dad because on my Facebook there were pictures of him participating in life with us...well, those were all fake.  He posed for pictures and that was about it.  And that was in between sleeping all weekend and drinking 6-7 beers in order to function.

And I'm done.  He sucks.

We currently have not heard from him since last Monday, and that was only because I texted to be sure the girls made it to school.  His schedule with them is every other Saturday and Sunday night and he has to take them to school on Monday.  His schedule a year ago was only Saturday night because he bitched about not being able to take them to school when he doesn't start at work until over an hour after I do.  I ended that.

The girls have met at least 30-40 women since we separated 2 years ago.  He can't keep a girlfriend past a date or two. He books multiple dates a day and makes women feel like shit (how do I know?  A few have reached out to me!).  He says I am "messing up" the girls because I live with someone I've been dating over a year and introducing the girls to multiple women in ONE WEEKEND is totally fine.

He's a narcissistic alcoholic. If I texted him today that it's shitty that he hasn't asked about the girls in over 10 days he'd respond "I work 60 hours a week, I'm busy, you're shitty for not texting me about how they are. You try to keep them from me."

No.  I work over 40 hours a week now and have the girls about 85% of the time. I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR YOUR SHIT.

Everything is turned around on me.  He let the girls stay the night at someone's house (who has girls the same age) but didn't tell me.  I do not allow the girls to have slumber parties, period.  When I complained (because, hey, he has the girls 4 nights a MONTH) he called me a hypocrite because I live with "some guy".  Basically he can do whatever because I'm a hypocrite because I live with "some guy".

I know people who are friends with him on Facebook and they say people are always telling him that he's a great dad.  He pays for 1/2 of daycare for Annabel and 1/2 of childcare for Annika, 1/2 of the monthly dance school fee and 1/2 of the monthly cheer fee.  That's it.  He does not pay me any child support of any kind and if I file my paperwork from our divorce he'd be homeless with the amount the state says the girls deserve.

But I'm done.  He's not a good dad, he's only good in pictures.

Good dads provide for their children.
Good dads ask how their children are doing.
Good dads don't punish their children for telling him that their mom's boyfriend and kids are "like family".
Good dads participate in their kids lives anyway they can.
Good dads don't have their children meet women from dating sites every weekend.
Good dads don't text on their phones during their daughter's cheer practice when everyone else is watching.

But you know who does more for my girls?  My boyfriend.  After Annika's dentist appointment yesterday he texted to see how she did.  He texts when they don't feel good.  He doesn't text during the dance class he came to watch (their dad has never been).  He asks about their day and takes and interest in the things they like.

It's especially hard when the girls are over it too and don't even ask when they are going to his place.  We're all just over his behavior.  The girls say he never does what they want to do and all they ever get to do at his place is swim in the pool or watch TV.

What do when dad sucks?  What would you do?

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

Yep, Horrible Busy Blogger

So no posts since December?


Life is going about a million miles an hour lately.

Just last weekend, for example, we had Friday night date night with just my girls at a local brewery.  The girls fell in love with the girl singing there, bought her CD, have listened to it every single time we've gotten in the car since.

Saturday morning was dance class, then playing outside, then we went to a local speedway to see school buses drive on a figure 8 course and run into each other (the girls actually picked this activity!).

Sunday was my boyfriend's son's birthday party, followed by a swim in the pool, dinner at a local diner, grocery shopping, more playing outside (Annabel now rides her bike without training wheels!) and bedtime.

That was last weekend.  Since December we've done so much that I'm trying to remember it all.

Adventure Island (water park) 3 times
Busch Gardens (rollercoasters/zoo park) 5 times
My aunt visited for a long weekend in March
At least 3 different concerts
Skate Park
Bike Rides
Ikea shopping trip

I'm sure there is a lot more.  There's also so much more planned, cruise in the summer, parade this weekend, cheer competitions, dance recitals, Pre-K graduations, someone is starting kindergarten (let us all cry now that the "baby" is starting school!!!), music festival....

Oh, how about that I'm now a coach for tumbling at a cheerleading school and that Annika has started All Star Cheer which costs like a billion dollars and that's why I'm now a coach to pay for it all.

So yeah, we're kind of busy up in here.

Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Well I'm a Horrible Blogger

I last posted in September that we were moving.  Well, we moved 3 weeks ago.  Oops.  I could have sworn I blogged not that long ago and then stuff happens and it's been months!

We're settling in nicely.  Love the house (those of you on my Facebook have probably seen the updates and pictures), the area, just everything.

I swear I will have a real post soon, my children now believe in Santa which is a huge deal!  We've never "done Santa" before!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Let's Move

Life has been so different in 2016.

It all started with moving out of the house we built in 2013.  The moving date into my apartment was January 1, 2016.  New year, fresh start.  This is the first place I've ever rented all on my own.

The girls and I made this place ours.  Everything in it was paid for by me.  The girls helped me decorate.  We looked online together and ordered our dining room chairs.  They picked out their bunk bed and dressers.

Today I got a compliment from a friend I haven't seen in over a year, "You're amazing, you make being a single mom look easy and you do so much for the girls, they're so happy."

I've tried.  Over the last 9 months I've made sure to keep them away from too much drama.  Made sure they talked about their feelings about not living with their dad.

And while dating I kept them away from people that I knew wouldn't be long term.  I knew when I met Nice Guy that something was different there.

Over the past 6 months Nice Guy has become a great support and father figure to the girls.  While he knows that he'll never replace their dad, he's become a huge part of their lives.

A few weeks ago when school was canceled Annabel spent the day with him and his kids and a few days later told me she loves Nice Guy.  Sweetest thing ever.  She told him and he told her that he loves her too.

Another time we were talking about how Annika is boy crazy already at 6 and Nice Guy said "well whoever dates her is going to have a hard time having to deal with 2 dads".  Again, so sweet.

Nice Guy is fantastic and the complete opposite of anyone else I've ever been with.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

I have to renew the lease on my apartment and ran into an issue when they raised my rent almost $200 which would mean I have to downsize and most likely live in a not so nice area. Combined Nice Guy and I pay a lot for rent in our own places.  We talked about moving in together in June.  Lately we've been spending so much time at each other's places, including having sleepovers with the kids (which they all love)  that it makes sense to take the HUGE step of moving in together.

We've had all the conversations about splitting bills, room assignments (Annika gets her own room, his son gets his own room, the two little girls already asked to share), how we're going to tell our ex's (should be interesting) so we started looking.

We also had conversations with our kids separately.  Mine were thrilled with the idea of living together.  His daughter was thrilled and his son too a little convincing but now he's on board.

We found the perfect 4 bedroom house (with a den which will be the "man cave") and the best thing of all, it has a pool!!!!  We were approved to rent it today and we move in November 15th.

2016 has been a great year.  Probably one of my happiest ever.

Friday, September 23, 2016

What People Don't Tell You About Divorce

I guess I never really paid attention to what happens when people get divorced, you know, besides the whole "they don't live together thing".

Here are some things I've learned.

1. You split your friends and you don't get to chose who you keep.  I lost a lot, he lost a lot and both of us together lost a lot.  There are people who just don't speak to either one of us anymore.

2. You don't get invited to play dates.  Seriously.  It's sad for the girls but pretty much all of their friends have married parents and it doesn't seem like "the single mom" gets invited, or that's our case.

3. If you change your name back (which I did) people will ask you why.  Like, why because they haven't figured out on their own that you are now divorced.

4. People will ask you how your husband is doing MONTHS after separating or divorcing.  It's so awkward when you explain you don't have a husband anymore.

5. People will say stupid shit, see #4.  I've gotten "Oh you seemed so happy on Facebook", "Your kids don't seem like they come from a single parent home", or "When are you getting married again?"

6. People will start planning wedding #2 the second you start dating someone the opposite of your first husband.

7. Dating is weird.  Dating as an adult is weird.  Dating with kids is weird.

8. People were waiting for you to get divorced.  Just ask the 3 mutual Facebook friends that immediately asked me on a date.

9. People knew you were doomed from the start.  I'm making it a new rule that if I see a relationship that doesn't seem right I'M GOING TO BE THAT FRIEND THAT SPEAKS UP. I don't even care.  I'm saying "he's awful and we all hate him/her".  You know why?  Divorce is expensive, I paid over 4 times the amount I paid to get married to get divorced.

10. Your kids are kind of confused.  Annabel doesn't seem to remember us ever being married, we've only lived away from him for almost 10 months.  Annika says she likes not living together and getting alone time with both of us.  But then sometimes Annika asks for "family day" so we can all hang out together (we can't because we just don't get along, it's not a good environment for the girls).  I expect the girls to be confused for a while but we both explain things to them that we're happier living apart but we love the girls the same.  Annika seems to be fine with the entire adjustment.  Annabel usually misses whatever parent she isn't with.  It is tough with kids.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

When There's No Drama

Well I guess when there's no drama there's nothing much to write about.

I'm happy.  What else can I say?

I'm still dating Nice Guy, it'll be 6 months in 2 weeks.  I can't believe it's already been that long, time is just flying by!

The girls are doing pretty good considering that so many changes happened in the last year.  I finally have their dad taking them on the correct nights (he only has them every other weekend for Saturday and Sunday nights).  We do lots of fun things together and with Nice Guy and his two kids.

The girls are both doing great in school and love it.

Work is pretty good.

I haven't had any bouts of depression, although, I am aware that the anniversary of my parents dying is approaching and this is usually a hard time of year for me.

The girls and I have a trip to Atlanta planned next month, Nice Guy and I have a trip planned the following weekend, then there's Annika's birthday, Thanksgiving, Annabel will be in a Christmas parade, my holiday party for my work (and I have a date this year!), Annabel's birthday and then Christmas.  I just know this time of year will fly by.

So that's it.  I'm happy.  Life is good.

33 years old has been a great age so far.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Dating Update

4 months and counting.  Things are still perfect so perfect that I don't even have a ton to say.  I'm so thankful that met Nice Guy.  We're still doing lots of fun things together and with the kids.  The girls love him and think he's great.

Looking forward to more fun things and times together :-)