Saturday, June 4, 2016

Updates Updates Updates

*For the first time in 6 months we have Internet again!  Which means more blogging!

*I'm still dating Nice Guy and he's completely perfect.  It's been 2 months now.  Our kids all get along for the most part (just silly little fights over sharing or driving each other crazy) and I've now met his parents, grandmother, sister, niece and nephew.

*We've also exchanged the "l-word".  I felt like it was the most genuine time someone has said it to me and I hope I remember forward how he told me "I've fallen in love with you".  I never would have thought that I'd meet such an amazing person on a dating website who also happens to live less than 1/2 a mile from my apartment!

*Annika finished kindergarten!  Her last day was yesterday!  She's wearing her "crazy cat lady" dress :)

*Annika's graduation was last Friday and she requested that I buy her a "fancy pink dress".  I nailed it.  She was adorable.

*The girls had their dance recital last Sunday.  This was Annika's 4th recital (she's a pro now at only 6 years old!) and Annabel's first ever recital.  Annika had a tap and ballet dance and did perfect in both.  Annabel was a doll too!  She did soooo good that I cried!  My baby!

*Tuesday Annika had her end of the year field trip to the YMCA water park.  I got to go and we had fun but poor Annabel cried because she didn't get to go.  I ended up picking Annabel up early from school that day to surprise her and take her to a water fountain playground before we picked up Annika from school.

*Tomorrow we're going with Nice Guy and all 4 kids to the zoo!  Should be fun!

Friday, May 20, 2016

1 Year

It was exactly a year ago when I started the slow unravel of my life that I just wasn't happy with.  This was the day that I realized that for a very long time I was faking happiness in photos, blog posts and life in general.  The life I was living was suffocating me.  I couldn't be myself.  I was depressed.  I needed out.

In all reality I could have stayed.  I could have blocked out the judgmental comments, the constant need to control my ever move, the insults, the controlling behaviors....even the single marriage therapy session I went to, I could have participated more but once the talks started I shut down.  Why?  Why am I hear listening to lies?

But what example would that be for the girls?  Do I want them to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to do the things that were going on in our home?  Do I want them to see me stressed and upset all the time?  The fights?

For me it wasn't going to get better.  There were always theses phases of time where things seemed a little better but then they'd get bad.

I wasn't perfect either but after so long I just gave up, shut down, over it.

One year ago I was miserable and when I look at my life today I cannot believe the change.

Nice Guy and I are still dating, last night we went to his son's baseball game..  It was fun!  The girls (Annika, Annabel and his daughter) played the entire time.  I caught them a few times walking around holding hands together.  His son told him he was glad we came and watched him play (it's going to take a while to win over his son, he's 10 and very protective of his dad).

Last weekend Nice Guy and I went to a theme park just the two of us and had an amazing weekend together.  He's a total gentlemen, quiet, calm, fun to be with...

The girls are happier too.  They've both told me they like having two homes...I was so worried that this whole thing would mess them up, while things could still happen right now they are so happy.

You only have one life so you just have to do what you need to in order to make it a happy one and in one year I have fully accomplished that.  I cannot wait to see what's to come.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Dreading Father's Day Early

We just had Mother's Day and mine was wonderful.  It's usually a tough day because I don't have a mom and this year my mom's birthday fell on the same day.  I made it through it though.

Father's Day is going to be rough.  I'm actually trying to figure out who I know doesn't have a father so I can make plans with them!  How sad is that?

The girls will be with their dad that day.  Nice Guy and his kids will probably do something with his dad (I don't want to be in the way of that day for them).

All I can think is that I'll be all alone that day and it feels weird.  What do I do with myself?

I'm hoping I can come with something to keep me busy...

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

My Girl

My Annika, she's so much different than her sister.

She's sensitive but tough.

She claims to be shy but there's not a single person she won't talk to.

She refuses to watch anyone get bullied at school, she calls out bullies right to their face!

She knows what she likes and doesn't like and isn't afraid to tell anyone.

Sometimes she can be a bit of a brat, like today at school when it was Muffins for Mom's day and she wouldn't sit next to me to have a muffin!

I know when she's tired in the afternoons after school because she'll be mean to me and Annabel and 2 seconds later she's slouched over in her car seat asleep.

She can run!  She runs like a pro and FAST!

She's completely fearless and people can tell right away (like Nice Guy who can't believe the crazy stuff she does but likes that I let her do her own thing).

I've tried to make her into my little ballerina or tap dancing star but I've failed.  She's much too tough so this year we're looking into gymnastics!

She looks just like her daddy, enough that even he gets freaked out about her facial expressions.

She loves music class and wants to sing on a big stage!

Us together at the Mother's Day Tea at school

Making my cake for Mother's Day

Her boyfriend at school gave her a rose so now they're married!

Muffins for Mom's this morning in our forced picture because she was dying to go play on the playground!

Love her.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

The Good Mom

It's different now this year that I'm considered a single mom.  Even though I rarely got a Mother's Day gift from the girls' dad he would at least acknowledge that I was a good mom, but after a while his words lost meaning to me.

Today my neighbors who see me daily stopped over to give me a Mother's Day gift.  These are people that we say a quick "good morning" to and sometimes a "good afternoon".  We see them down in our laundry facility or at our mailbox.  The girls have gone over to their apartment to pet their dogs a few times with me.  They brought me a card, some little molds for making chocolate and a balloon and they thanked me for being a good mother to the girls.  It's amazing when people with very little interaction with you can tell things like that.

Nice Guy noticed it too and told me he really likes dating someone who is such a wonderful mother.  That means the world to me now.  I'm trying to maintain some balance in the girls' lives as we've gone through this divorce together.  I always tell my friends my main goal in life is to "not fuck up the girls".

Even the ex's girlfriend has told me what a great job I'm doing with the girls.

I'm trying.  If you follow me on Facebook you'll see that we've been very into doing lots of "fun" experiences this year.  We're limiting money we spend on "stuff" in order to have experiences together.  We're all loving this new life we've started this year.

So when someone calls me a Good Mom I feel really good about all the decisions I've made.  I love these girls more than anything.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Hot Dogs

I got a phone call from Annabel's preschool today in the middle of the day.  The first thing I thought was that she had gotten sick or something happened and that I'd have to pick her up.

The director of the school asked me "is it okay if Annabel has a hot dog for lunch with the rest of the kids?" Haha.  Annabel's school provides lunch each day but it's usually a sandwich (she doesn't like bread) and a canned vegetable (I don't like that).  Today they had hot dogs and Annabel has a strange obsession with wanting to eat hot dogs all the time!  Annika and I don't like them so I don't usually buy them since they go bad before Annabel finishes the whole package.

I told the director that she could have a hot dog.  She thought that we were vegetarians since Annabel doesn't bring anything with meat in her lunches.  We aren't, but I used to be and Annika and I eat very little meat, really only chicken.  Annabel would eat an entire cow or pig if we let her!

Annabel was so happy when I picked her up today.  She told me she got to eat 2 hot dogs (no bun, she told them "I no like bread").  She said she cried and was mad when they wouldn't give her a hot dog so she told them to call me and ask!

I told the director that anytime she wants to eat what the other kids eat that it's fine.  I don't want her to feel left out but I know the majority of the things they eat she just won't touch.

Silly girl!

Monday, May 2, 2016


Saturday I had a "best friend weekend" with my best friend in Orlando!  We've now been friends for 17 years.  We met back when I was 16 and dating her brother.  We dated for 6 years so I was pretty much part of the family and we've stayed friends this whole time.

We have a mutual love of Harry Potter.  I love it while she is a bit obsessed!  We used to go to Walmart at midnight the day the books went on sale and would buy them and go home and read the entire book in a day together!

We've also been discussing for about 10 years about getting a "best friend" tattoo.  We didn't want a dumb symbol or anything like that so we decided that for the weekend we would finally settle on a design and make an appointment.

And here they are!!  We've both been wanting a tattoo on our wrists and we decided to go with a Harry Potter theme.  The quote comes from here:

But let me tell you, the wrist is PAINFUL!  I have 2 dragonflies on my shoulder blade that I really didn't think hurt at all but this was bad!  It only lasted 2 minutes but I have a really thick tendon in the middle of my wrist were the "he" from the and the "v" from very are right on.  I wanted to scream!

We both couldn't stop looking at the tattoos all weekend because we're both so pleased with them!

Next tattoo for me will probably be one to honor either my mom or dad.  I have an idea for each of them but I just need to save up the money and get it done!