Wednesday, December 14, 2016

Well I'm a Horrible Blogger

I last posted in September that we were moving.  Well, we moved 3 weeks ago.  Oops.  I could have sworn I blogged not that long ago and then stuff happens and it's been months!

We're settling in nicely.  Love the house (those of you on my Facebook have probably seen the updates and pictures), the area, just everything.

I swear I will have a real post soon, my children now believe in Santa which is a huge deal!  We've never "done Santa" before!

Wednesday, September 28, 2016

Let's Move

Life has been so different in 2016.

It all started with moving out of the house we built in 2013.  The moving date into my apartment was January 1, 2016.  New year, fresh start.  This is the first place I've ever rented all on my own.

The girls and I made this place ours.  Everything in it was paid for by me.  The girls helped me decorate.  We looked online together and ordered our dining room chairs.  They picked out their bunk bed and dressers.

Today I got a compliment from a friend I haven't seen in over a year, "You're amazing, you make being a single mom look easy and you do so much for the girls, they're so happy."

I've tried.  Over the last 9 months I've made sure to keep them away from too much drama.  Made sure they talked about their feelings about not living with their dad.

And while dating I kept them away from people that I knew wouldn't be long term.  I knew when I met Nice Guy that something was different there.

Over the past 6 months Nice Guy has become a great support and father figure to the girls.  While he knows that he'll never replace their dad, he's become a huge part of their lives.

A few weeks ago when school was canceled Annabel spent the day with him and his kids and a few days later told me she loves Nice Guy.  Sweetest thing ever.  She told him and he told her that he loves her too.

Another time we were talking about how Annika is boy crazy already at 6 and Nice Guy said "well whoever dates her is going to have a hard time having to deal with 2 dads".  Again, so sweet.

Nice Guy is fantastic and the complete opposite of anyone else I've ever been with.

I'm sure you see where this is going.

I have to renew the lease on my apartment and ran into an issue when they raised my rent almost $200 which would mean I have to downsize and most likely live in a not so nice area. Combined Nice Guy and I pay a lot for rent in our own places.  We talked about moving in together in June.  Lately we've been spending so much time at each other's places, including having sleepovers with the kids (which they all love)  that it makes sense to take the HUGE step of moving in together.

We've had all the conversations about splitting bills, room assignments (Annika gets her own room, his son gets his own room, the two little girls already asked to share), how we're going to tell our ex's (should be interesting) so we started looking.

We also had conversations with our kids separately.  Mine were thrilled with the idea of living together.  His daughter was thrilled and his son too a little convincing but now he's on board.

We found the perfect 4 bedroom house (with a den which will be the "man cave") and the best thing of all, it has a pool!!!!  We were approved to rent it today and we move in November 15th.

2016 has been a great year.  Probably one of my happiest ever.

Friday, September 23, 2016

What People Don't Tell You About Divorce

I guess I never really paid attention to what happens when people get divorced, you know, besides the whole "they don't live together thing".

Here are some things I've learned.

1. You split your friends and you don't get to chose who you keep.  I lost a lot, he lost a lot and both of us together lost a lot.  There are people who just don't speak to either one of us anymore.

2. You don't get invited to play dates.  Seriously.  It's sad for the girls but pretty much all of their friends have married parents and it doesn't seem like "the single mom" gets invited, or that's our case.

3. If you change your name back (which I did) people will ask you why.  Like, why because they haven't figured out on their own that you are now divorced.

4. People will ask you how your husband is doing MONTHS after separating or divorcing.  It's so awkward when you explain you don't have a husband anymore.

5. People will say stupid shit, see #4.  I've gotten "Oh you seemed so happy on Facebook", "Your kids don't seem like they come from a single parent home", or "When are you getting married again?"

6. People will start planning wedding #2 the second you start dating someone the opposite of your first husband.

7. Dating is weird.  Dating as an adult is weird.  Dating with kids is weird.

8. People were waiting for you to get divorced.  Just ask the 3 mutual Facebook friends that immediately asked me on a date.

9. People knew you were doomed from the start.  I'm making it a new rule that if I see a relationship that doesn't seem right I'M GOING TO BE THAT FRIEND THAT SPEAKS UP. I don't even care.  I'm saying "he's awful and we all hate him/her".  You know why?  Divorce is expensive, I paid over 4 times the amount I paid to get married to get divorced.

10. Your kids are kind of confused.  Annabel doesn't seem to remember us ever being married, we've only lived away from him for almost 10 months.  Annika says she likes not living together and getting alone time with both of us.  But then sometimes Annika asks for "family day" so we can all hang out together (we can't because we just don't get along, it's not a good environment for the girls).  I expect the girls to be confused for a while but we both explain things to them that we're happier living apart but we love the girls the same.  Annika seems to be fine with the entire adjustment.  Annabel usually misses whatever parent she isn't with.  It is tough with kids.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

When There's No Drama

Well I guess when there's no drama there's nothing much to write about.

I'm happy.  What else can I say?

I'm still dating Nice Guy, it'll be 6 months in 2 weeks.  I can't believe it's already been that long, time is just flying by!

The girls are doing pretty good considering that so many changes happened in the last year.  I finally have their dad taking them on the correct nights (he only has them every other weekend for Saturday and Sunday nights).  We do lots of fun things together and with Nice Guy and his two kids.

The girls are both doing great in school and love it.

Work is pretty good.

I haven't had any bouts of depression, although, I am aware that the anniversary of my parents dying is approaching and this is usually a hard time of year for me.

The girls and I have a trip to Atlanta planned next month, Nice Guy and I have a trip planned the following weekend, then there's Annika's birthday, Thanksgiving, Annabel will be in a Christmas parade, my holiday party for my work (and I have a date this year!), Annabel's birthday and then Christmas.  I just know this time of year will fly by.

So that's it.  I'm happy.  Life is good.

33 years old has been a great age so far.

Thursday, August 11, 2016

Dating Update

4 months and counting.  Things are still perfect so perfect that I don't even have a ton to say.  I'm so thankful that met Nice Guy.  We're still doing lots of fun things together and with the kids.  The girls love him and think he's great.

Looking forward to more fun things and times together :-)

Wednesday, August 10, 2016

First Day of Pre-K

I need someone to explain to me how this baby started pre-K today.

Because in my head this is still how she looks to me sometimes.

My little sweet Annabel started pre-K today.

My little pumpkin that came into this world a full month early just so she could have a birthday the week of Christmas and ruin her chances of having a real party.  We are already joking with her that no one will come to the big party she's planning in December, so we're moving it a few weeks early.

But back to this pre-K thing.  It means only one more year till kindergarten, "big girl" school.  I can't even handle it.  She's such a sweet thing and her school loves her, her teacher is already upset about not having her next year.

This last week she's been in a bit of trouble though.  She's becoming her own little person and has decided she's not going to listen.  She's been bad at listening to me and her dad and now one of her teachers at school.  After a few mornings of not getting to play on her Kindle Fire in the car she's calmed down and is listening better.  I've never had a child get put in "time out" before and I never thought Annabel would be the first!

I can't wait to see what she learns this year but I know I'll be so sad at that pre-K graduation in May!

Friday, July 8, 2016

My Usual Random Updates

~I'm very sporadic with my posts.  My internet is awful here.  Sometimes I lose full blog posts and give up and sometimes I can't even get my computer to connect right.

~Still dating "Nice Guy".  He's wonderful.  We have done so many fun things in the last 3 months, probably more fun things that I did in 10 years of being with someone else...He even got to meet my best friend and he got her approval.

~Nice Guy's kids and the girls are getting along pretty well.  Annika and his son are two harder ones to deal with.  Annika can be a bit of a monster at times and it annoys his son who can also be a monster at times.  The two little girls (they're both 4) are pretty easy going and fine together.

~I'm really hoping to blog more, I say it all the time but I do enjoy it.

~One of the most upsetting things when dating someone new is them not getting to meet your parents.  I would have loved for my parents to meet Nice Guy.  He's interested in meeting some of my family but honestly there are not many people to meet...

~I did have dinner with my 2 aunts, my uncle and his wife a few weeks ago (it was an evening where Nice Guy couldn't make it).  My whole family told me how great it was that I'm divorced now and that they hated who I was married to.  Isn't that crazy?  So many people have told me that since we've been divorced but no one ever said anything before!

~I've now hung out with Nice Guy's parents and grandmother a few times.  They're a very nice family.  I'm so glad I met him.  So far he's just perfect.

Thursday, July 7, 2016

Vacation Week From Hell

I took the week off since Annika's summer camp was closed this week.  We had a full agenda ready to go.

Tuesday: I was going to take Annabel to school and Annika and I were going to go to a water park up in Tampa for the day.

Wednesday: We were going to pick up the girls's babysitter and head to the beach.  The girls's dad was also going to be out there because his sister is here on vacation.

Thursday: Zoo day, we have an annual pass and have only used it once so far.

Friday: Pool day and recovery from our busy week.

What we actually did this week.

Tuesday: Dropped Annabel off at school and 2 minutes later they called us to say that she puked all over the place.  Picked her up, came back home, she puked some more. Took a 3 hour nap because why not? Later that night Annika decided to join in the fun and puked all over her bed.

Wednesday: Did 4 loads of laundry.  Annabel puked after I had her dressed for the beach.  Canceled the beach trip.  Their babysitter is actually sick too anyway.  Later in the day Annabel tells me her butt is "sweaty", she's actually pooped herself and it's liquid...1 more load of laundry.  We watch "Pitch Perfect" together because if I watch one more episode of "Monster High" or "Sofia the First" I will LOSE MY MIND.  Took another 3 hour nap.

Thursday: 1am, Annabel poops herself along with her pajamas, a towel I had under her, her sheets, the waterproof cover on her mattress, her blanket (which I washed the day before already) and her pillows.  I call her dad yelling that he better wake up, bring over Pedilyte, diapers (or pull ups), wipes and diaper rash cream.  I throw the poop laundry at him for him to do at his apartment (he has a washer and dryer, I have a "facility").  Go back to bed with Annabel in my room, she poops again, it goes through the pull up and onto another towel.  Wake up at 3am and do 2 more loads of laundry hoping to not get murdered in the middle of the night going to the laundry facility.  Poop calms down.  Since all of our plans have been canceled for the week now I take the girls to Walmart (because who cares if they puke in there, right?) and tell them they can each pick out a $15 toy.  I also buy "Pitch Perfect 2".  On the way home Annabel poops herself again.  Clean her up, take a 3 hour nap, poops again, load the girls up in the car to pay $70 to go to an Urgent Care Center where the guy tells me to give her Pepto Bismol which I didn't originally give her because it said not to give to kids under 12.  If I had known I could have given her it I would have done it 2 days ago!

Now the girls are in bed.  Annika has been fine for the past 2 days.  My fingers are crossed that Annabel is good enough for school tomorrow so that Annika and I can do the water park (we can't take her because she's not tall enough for almost any of the slides).  If she's not okay enough we might try to go to the movies and keep Annabel in her pull up to prevent any major accidents.  I need to get out of this apartment!!!  The good news is that my sick is super clear from not wearing any makeup for 3 days, my hair seems super healthy from not styling it or doing anything with it for 3 days and my apartment is SUPER clean!

I'm totally ready to go back to work.

Saturday, June 4, 2016

Updates Updates Updates

*For the first time in 6 months we have Internet again!  Which means more blogging!

*I'm still dating Nice Guy and he's completely perfect.  It's been 2 months now.  Our kids all get along for the most part (just silly little fights over sharing or driving each other crazy) and I've now met his parents, grandmother, sister, niece and nephew.

*We've also exchanged the "l-word".  I felt like it was the most genuine time someone has said it to me and I hope I remember forward how he told me "I've fallen in love with you".  I never would have thought that I'd meet such an amazing person on a dating website who also happens to live less than 1/2 a mile from my apartment!

*Annika finished kindergarten!  Her last day was yesterday!  She's wearing her "crazy cat lady" dress :)

*Annika's graduation was last Friday and she requested that I buy her a "fancy pink dress".  I nailed it.  She was adorable.

*The girls had their dance recital last Sunday.  This was Annika's 4th recital (she's a pro now at only 6 years old!) and Annabel's first ever recital.  Annika had a tap and ballet dance and did perfect in both.  Annabel was a doll too!  She did soooo good that I cried!  My baby!

*Tuesday Annika had her end of the year field trip to the YMCA water park.  I got to go and we had fun but poor Annabel cried because she didn't get to go.  I ended up picking Annabel up early from school that day to surprise her and take her to a water fountain playground before we picked up Annika from school.

*Tomorrow we're going with Nice Guy and all 4 kids to the zoo!  Should be fun!

Friday, May 20, 2016

1 Year

It was exactly a year ago when I started the slow unravel of my life that I just wasn't happy with.  This was the day that I realized that for a very long time I was faking happiness in photos, blog posts and life in general.  The life I was living was suffocating me.  I couldn't be myself.  I was depressed.  I needed out.

In all reality I could have stayed.  I could have blocked out the judgmental comments, the constant need to control my ever move, the insults, the controlling behaviors....even the single marriage therapy session I went to, I could have participated more but once the talks started I shut down.  Why?  Why am I hear listening to lies?

But what example would that be for the girls?  Do I want them to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to do the things that were going on in our home?  Do I want them to see me stressed and upset all the time?  The fights?

For me it wasn't going to get better.  There were always theses phases of time where things seemed a little better but then they'd get bad.

I wasn't perfect either but after so long I just gave up, shut down, over it.

One year ago I was miserable and when I look at my life today I cannot believe the change.

Nice Guy and I are still dating, last night we went to his son's baseball game..  It was fun!  The girls (Annika, Annabel and his daughter) played the entire time.  I caught them a few times walking around holding hands together.  His son told him he was glad we came and watched him play (it's going to take a while to win over his son, he's 10 and very protective of his dad).

Last weekend Nice Guy and I went to a theme park just the two of us and had an amazing weekend together.  He's a total gentlemen, quiet, calm, fun to be with...

The girls are happier too.  They've both told me they like having two homes...I was so worried that this whole thing would mess them up, while things could still happen right now they are so happy.

You only have one life so you just have to do what you need to in order to make it a happy one and in one year I have fully accomplished that.  I cannot wait to see what's to come.

Thursday, May 12, 2016

Dreading Father's Day Early

We just had Mother's Day and mine was wonderful.  It's usually a tough day because I don't have a mom and this year my mom's birthday fell on the same day.  I made it through it though.

Father's Day is going to be rough.  I'm actually trying to figure out who I know doesn't have a father so I can make plans with them!  How sad is that?

The girls will be with their dad that day.  Nice Guy and his kids will probably do something with his dad (I don't want to be in the way of that day for them).

All I can think is that I'll be all alone that day and it feels weird.  What do I do with myself?

I'm hoping I can come with something to keep me busy...

Wednesday, May 11, 2016

My Girl

My Annika, she's so much different than her sister.

She's sensitive but tough.

She claims to be shy but there's not a single person she won't talk to.

She refuses to watch anyone get bullied at school, she calls out bullies right to their face!

She knows what she likes and doesn't like and isn't afraid to tell anyone.

Sometimes she can be a bit of a brat, like today at school when it was Muffins for Mom's day and she wouldn't sit next to me to have a muffin!

I know when she's tired in the afternoons after school because she'll be mean to me and Annabel and 2 seconds later she's slouched over in her car seat asleep.

She can run!  She runs like a pro and FAST!

She's completely fearless and people can tell right away (like Nice Guy who can't believe the crazy stuff she does but likes that I let her do her own thing).

I've tried to make her into my little ballerina or tap dancing star but I've failed.  She's much too tough so this year we're looking into gymnastics!

She looks just like her daddy, enough that even he gets freaked out about her facial expressions.

She loves music class and wants to sing on a big stage!

Us together at the Mother's Day Tea at school

Making my cake for Mother's Day

Her boyfriend at school gave her a rose so now they're married!

Muffins for Mom's this morning in our forced picture because she was dying to go play on the playground!

Love her.

Sunday, May 8, 2016

The Good Mom

It's different now this year that I'm considered a single mom.  Even though I rarely got a Mother's Day gift from the girls' dad he would at least acknowledge that I was a good mom, but after a while his words lost meaning to me.

Today my neighbors who see me daily stopped over to give me a Mother's Day gift.  These are people that we say a quick "good morning" to and sometimes a "good afternoon".  We see them down in our laundry facility or at our mailbox.  The girls have gone over to their apartment to pet their dogs a few times with me.  They brought me a card, some little molds for making chocolate and a balloon and they thanked me for being a good mother to the girls.  It's amazing when people with very little interaction with you can tell things like that.

Nice Guy noticed it too and told me he really likes dating someone who is such a wonderful mother.  That means the world to me now.  I'm trying to maintain some balance in the girls' lives as we've gone through this divorce together.  I always tell my friends my main goal in life is to "not fuck up the girls".

Even the ex's girlfriend has told me what a great job I'm doing with the girls.

I'm trying.  If you follow me on Facebook you'll see that we've been very into doing lots of "fun" experiences this year.  We're limiting money we spend on "stuff" in order to have experiences together.  We're all loving this new life we've started this year.

So when someone calls me a Good Mom I feel really good about all the decisions I've made.  I love these girls more than anything.

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

Hot Dogs

I got a phone call from Annabel's preschool today in the middle of the day.  The first thing I thought was that she had gotten sick or something happened and that I'd have to pick her up.

The director of the school asked me "is it okay if Annabel has a hot dog for lunch with the rest of the kids?" Haha.  Annabel's school provides lunch each day but it's usually a sandwich (she doesn't like bread) and a canned vegetable (I don't like that).  Today they had hot dogs and Annabel has a strange obsession with wanting to eat hot dogs all the time!  Annika and I don't like them so I don't usually buy them since they go bad before Annabel finishes the whole package.

I told the director that she could have a hot dog.  She thought that we were vegetarians since Annabel doesn't bring anything with meat in her lunches.  We aren't, but I used to be and Annika and I eat very little meat, really only chicken.  Annabel would eat an entire cow or pig if we let her!

Annabel was so happy when I picked her up today.  She told me she got to eat 2 hot dogs (no bun, she told them "I no like bread").  She said she cried and was mad when they wouldn't give her a hot dog so she told them to call me and ask!

I told the director that anytime she wants to eat what the other kids eat that it's fine.  I don't want her to feel left out but I know the majority of the things they eat she just won't touch.

Silly girl!

Monday, May 2, 2016


Saturday I had a "best friend weekend" with my best friend in Orlando!  We've now been friends for 17 years.  We met back when I was 16 and dating her brother.  We dated for 6 years so I was pretty much part of the family and we've stayed friends this whole time.

We have a mutual love of Harry Potter.  I love it while she is a bit obsessed!  We used to go to Walmart at midnight the day the books went on sale and would buy them and go home and read the entire book in a day together!

We've also been discussing for about 10 years about getting a "best friend" tattoo.  We didn't want a dumb symbol or anything like that so we decided that for the weekend we would finally settle on a design and make an appointment.

And here they are!!  We've both been wanting a tattoo on our wrists and we decided to go with a Harry Potter theme.  The quote comes from here:

But let me tell you, the wrist is PAINFUL!  I have 2 dragonflies on my shoulder blade that I really didn't think hurt at all but this was bad!  It only lasted 2 minutes but I have a really thick tendon in the middle of my wrist were the "he" from the and the "v" from very are right on.  I wanted to scream!

We both couldn't stop looking at the tattoos all weekend because we're both so pleased with them!

Next tattoo for me will probably be one to honor either my mom or dad.  I have an idea for each of them but I just need to save up the money and get it done!

Sunday, May 1, 2016

Nice Guy

I'm finally getting a chance to sit down at my computer this weekend!  I keep having issues connecting my laptop to my new iPhone but now I think I've got it figured out.

So, I'm still dating Nice Guy and he's the only person I'm dating.  We've actually already had the "exclusive" conversation and both agreed that dating new strangers sucks and we like each other and want to see where it can go.

Three weeks ago we went on an amazing date.  It started off with him bringing me flowers.  I have never had a guy give me flowers before or after a date.  Then we went to a really nice restaurant out on the beach.  After that we were going to try to watch the sunset but it was cloudy so we decided to go back to his place to watch a movie.

The really nice thing about Nice Guy is that we never seem to run out of things to talk about.  We have a lot of similarities, we both have kids (he has a son and daughter), we both like Harry Potter and action movies and we both like to go out and do fun stuff but also like to just sit at home and play board games and relax.

After watching the movie we had a talk about how neither one of us wanted to have sex yet.  He started the conversation and I immediately felt 100% more relaxed because I was planning on saying the same thing!  We want to get to know each other first, because it really is weird meeting someone on a dating website, we're strangers!

He asked me to stay the night but I felt weird because I had no pajamas or toothbrush and I desperately wanted to wash the makeup off my face!  We drove back over to my place (he actually lives directly across the street from my neighborhood so it's a 2 minute drive!) and he stayed the night.  We slept horribly!  Neither one of us have slept in the same bed as anyone besides our kids in a long time.  Luckily we both laughed about it.

Since that date he has met the girls and I've met his kids.  We explained to the kids that we're just friends, of course, we're interested in more than that but it was important to both of us that the kids like each other and us.  We don't want to confuse the kids right now (both our ex-spouses are in relationships that are children are confused by) but we really enjoy having fun together.  So far we've all been to the beach to see the sunset, to a little festival on a small local farm and we took the girls to their first movie, The Jungle Book on Friday!  His kids have been to the movies a lot but Annika and Annabel have never been and they LOVED it.  I can see us going a lot now.

This coming weekend for Mother's Day he asked me what our plans were.  I told him Mother's Day is not at all a good day for me.  I had planned on taking the girls out to the beach for the day and that's it.  He asked if he could come with us (his kids will be with their mom) and afterwards he wants to take us to lunch because I'm a great mother and I deserve to have someone take me out.  I wanted to cry!  I haven't been out for Mother's Day since my very first one, which was the last one my mom was alive for.

So far this guy is perfect.  No red flags, no issues.  Can't wait to see were it goes :)

Wednesday, April 20, 2016

Quick Dating Update!

I have to post from my phone, which is totally hard!!

So I'm currently dating the Nice Guy!! What a way to throw everyone off from my last post!

Known and I talked, he feels he's too old for me, blah, blah, blah.

Dover blew us off for dinner the night our girls were supposed to meet. The girls were so upset so that was a red flag and a deal breaker for me.

Nice Guy and I finally had our schedules work out and went on an amazing and perfect date last weekend. PERFECT! Seriously, he's the nicest guy I've ever met.

Once I get my computer working I'll post more :$

Wednesday, April 6, 2016

This Weeks Dating Dilemma

To keep up with names and backgrounds click here:

Known texted me Monday night, "I'm across the street from your place now working."  Umm...okay (he repairs things at restaurants so he was in the plaza across from my neighborhood).  Then he says he'd like to see me Wednesday, which is today...He has been to my place a few times and I'm comfortable with him being here while the girls are only because he was a really good friend for years.  He's actually babysat the girls for me when I had a work event, twice.

Again, Known hasn't tried to reach out and make plans with me in about 2 weeks.  At the time our schedules didn't coordinate so I canceled on him.  Before that it was about 3 weeks.  So at this point I would say I haven't actually seen him, besides when his daughter babysat for me 2 weeks ago, in 6 weeks for anything "date" related.

I don't know what's going on with him, but today he has to tell me what he wants.

It has to be tonight because Diver and I also talked Monday.  He's invited me and the girls over for dinner. I told him immediately that I do really like him but my #1 focus in life right now is "don't fuck up my children".  His daughter will be there so we're setting it up as a play date, there will be no affection in front of the girls, we are friends, that is all.  I don't want to confuse them until we discuss it and we're not at that point yet.

I was hesitant to have the girls meet him this soon but I do really like him a lot.

Then one of my best friends sent me this article:

Why would I invest the time with this guy only to find out the girls are uncomfortable around him?  What if they don't get along with his daughter? (She's darling so I doubt that would be the case!)  What if he doesn't like them?  What if I don't like how he acts around them?

So I know A LOT of people will not support my decision but it's mine and it's what I'm doing.

BUT, if Known wants what I want, a relationship, a partnership, something we can build together, I would cancel dinner with Diver.  I can't lead him on like that. I just honestly don't think Known knows what he wants (also we have a 14 year age difference that he seems to worry a little about while I'm fine with it).  He's also never stated how he feels about the possibility of technically having to help me raise my girls right at the point where his kids are moving out!  I'm not sure he'd want to start all over again with my two.

With Known the girls are very comfortable with him.  They really like him, he's fun, they get along, they think he's funny and we LOVE his kids.  His daughter is my only babysitter and his son is great too.  I actually go out to lunch and go to the mall with his daughter alone sometimes.  When we bought our house we had 2 years ago the kids actually helped us move.

Clearly the biggest hurdle with Known is the lack of contact and I don't know what he's looking for.

All opinions are welcome.  Would you introduce your children to a "friend" after a few weeks of dating?  Would you date someone more than 10 years older or younger than you?  What would you say to Known?

Tuesday, April 5, 2016

Birthday Parties

I always hear parents complain about having to take their kids to a ton of birthday parties.  Since this is really the first year the girls are both in school I kind of expected we'd be going to a lot.  So far we've been lucky and have only attending one.

One of the boys in Annika's class invited the entire class, plus siblings, to a party at a trampoline jumping place.  It was fun, his parents rented the entire place!  There were at least 50 kids there and the girls had a ball.  Annika thought it was great that she was getting to see all her friends from school on a Sunday, outside of school!

Annika was invited to two other parties, one the same day as her birthday, so we declined.  The other one was last Sunday and the mom gave us the invitation on Saturday!  So we already had plans and couldn't attend.

Now for the next two weekend we have two parties!  Saturday Annabel's friend is having a party at a bowling alley, this is the first party that Annabel has been invited to on her own.  She was so excited to go without Annika and then the little girl's mom texted me and asked if Annika wanted to come too.

Annabel got to pick out the gift for the little girl on her own.  They're in ballet together so they really don't talk a lot in class, but Annabel insists that she loves Sofia the First just like her so we got her the doll.

The next weekend Annika is invited to a party at a bounce house place, it's a big store front  in a plaza with 10 really large bounce houses inside.  The party is for a little girl in Annika's class at school and Annabel, so far, is not invited to that one.

I always find it funny when I ask the girls what to get their friends and they pick out something they like themselves.  I told Annika to talk to her friend and ask her what she likes so we have some ideas!  I can't imagine that all 6 year old girls like exactly the same thing.

The only complaint I have is these presents!  I tried to put a $10 limit on each gift but Annabel spent about $18 when we were done with the Sofia doll, bag and tissue paper.  But I guess in the end it is worth it since the girls are getting to go do fun things with their friends!

How do you all handle buying gifts for birthday gifts?  Do you have a spending limit?  What is the best party your child has been invited to so far?

Monday, April 4, 2016

The Dating Scene

Ugghh, you guys dating is kind of crazy.

So I went on the date like a week and a half ago, guy was nice, I ended up going to his house to hang out that Saturday, went to church with him that Sunday. I met his daughter, which was kind of weird, I just hope he doesn't let everyone he meets meet his daughter, lets call him Diver (because that's kind of his job.

Diver is what I kind of like in men.  He's sweet, affectionate, smiles a lot, makes me laugh.  He's HUGE, like he weight lifts a lot and his arms are like the size of my waist, but he looks big and tough and he's super sweet.  My biggest issue is the whole talking on the phone thing that I hate and his public support for a presidential candidate who I happen to this is a moron.  His schedule is also very busy and I have no interest in diving and I think he'll try to get me interested.  I HATE open water especially going under it! Other than that he's nice.

There's another guy that I kind of started dating in right after the girls and I moved out, lets call him Known (he's actually the ex-husband of a friend, a friend who hasn't spoken to me since she found out we were getting divorced).  Known likes to take me on dates, ignore me for 3 weeks, text me again, takes me on a date, ignore me for 3 weeks, repeat and repeat.  I actually made plans to see him Wednesday, but I never know if he'll show up or not.

Then yesterday, after both Diver and Known ditched our plans I went out with Nice Guy.  He wrote to me on Match weeks ago with a generic "hey, how are you?" to which I ignored.  Then he wrote me another message Saturday that started with "I'm so sorry for the generic message, let me try again".  Hooked.  We went out for ice cream and ended up talking for 3 hours.  He has two kids, actually lives right across the street from me, gave me a hug good bye, and texted me about an hour later about how he'd like to see me again.  I have no complaints about this guy, I always have complaints.  He's kind of shy, said that meeting people on Match is totally awkward (agree!), and was a gentleman, the other two pretty much try to make out with me in public and this guy didn't even try!  He also seems like a great dad, he wouldn't even try to get me to make plans with him on weekends he has his kids, he focuses on them those weekends which is nice to hear.

So I'm keeping my options open (don't worry, not sleeping with all these guys and the girls are not meeting any of them!).  Ideally it would be nice to take all the good qualities from all of them and just make one man, but we'll see how it all works out!

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

Talking on the Phone

My cell phone is not for talking.  Two weeks ago when it rang I couldn't even figure out how to answer it. I know how to reject calls, I know how to watch my phone ring and ring and then go to voicemail, but answer it?  Nope.

I text a lot.  I use Facebook and Facebook messenger.  I do not talk on my phone.

So this new guy I'm dating.  He's a phone talker and all my friends are thrilled.

"Finally someone to make you talk!"

Shut up.

I have major phone anxiety. I even get it if I have to make a phone call for an appointment.  I hate when people at work call me.  Just please email me!!

But over the last two weeks I've talked on my phone for 400 minutes, I checked my bill because I don't think I talked for 400 minutes in the last 2 years combined.

And today when we talked I felt good.  It's nice to talk to someone and have a conversation after a long day at work.  I miss that, honestly I never had that.  My friends say it's one of the many reasons why I've ended up divorced, communication is so important.  So instead of getting anxiety I'm opening up to the idea of actual phone conversations.

So again, I don't know where this is headed, but I hope it lasts a little while.

Sunday, March 27, 2016

Easter Sunday

This morning I'm sitting alone in my apartment, like I said yesterday the girls are with their dad today.  I've just sat down for my morning tea (I don't do coffee) and I'm all dressed for church.

Today will be the first Easter Sunday I've been to church since 2005.  The last time I went was a world ago.  I still lived at home with my parents, I was dating my high school boyfriend still, I even still had braces on my teeth.

So the guy I went on the date with Thursday night asked me to meet him today at church.  Initially I thought it was an awful idea.  I just don't "do" church anymore.  The girls and I have gone a few times but it's always me that doesn't want to go back.  Church makes me miss my dad and our times together going.  It reminds me that God didn't give my parents enough time with Annika and that they never got to meet Annabel.  Sometimes it makes me angry.

But I'm going.  This guy, after thinking for days about it, is exactly the type of person my dad would have approved of and liked.  I don't know where it'll go, I don't know if it'll amount to anything.  Right now though I probably really need this, just to go back to church and get the girls going too every other weekend.

This is a new life I'm creating for me and the girls and it's exciting and scary.

Saturday, March 26, 2016

When Holidays Are Alone

My family never had big holiday traditions.  We opened presents on Christmas Eve (because in Sweden that's when Santa came).  We ate turkey on Thanksgiving.  We colored eggs for Easter.  That's about it.

I have no family here to celebrate holidays with.  No one.  So last year for Thanksgiving I asked that the girls go with their dad to be with his family.  His family does the big family dinner, all of the girls's cousins were there so they got to see a lot of family they wouldn't normally see.

Instead of staying home alone I visited my cousin in Chicago and we had a great 3 days together.

Easter I didn't plan out as well.  Actually Easter kind of creeped up on me earlier this week when Annabel told me her school was having an Easter party and that she was so excited.  Ummm..oops.  I went out and bought the girls a few candies that they like and a little pet rock to paint, which they did today and they loved it.

We missed a lot of the big local Easter egg hunts last weekend but I found one for this morning out on the beach.

1,000s of eggs, 100s of kids and all of the eggs were gone in about 5 seconds!

I was so proud of Annika after the egg hunt.  Poor Annabel only was able to grab 5 eggs, Annika had around 12.  Annabel's eyes were filled with tears when it was over because she saw all the other kids with a lot more eggs than her and I felt awful for her.  Annika came over and hugged her and put some of her eggs into Annabel's basket so she would have the same amount as her.  I love how thoughtful she is!

After the egg hunt we spent the day together shopping and just looking at cats (turns out Annabel has an allergic reaction to them so I'm glad we just looked).

Then I took them to see their dad, he has them overnight and all day tomorrow.  They're going to the beach, which I would love to do but it's his day with them.  So this will be my first Easter alone.  I was invited to church tomorrow with the guy I went on the date with Thursday but I'm not sure if I want to go.  I might even go to the beach alone, but knowing me I'll sit here all day in my pajamas drinking tea and watching American Horror Story on Netflix.

I just hope that the girls have a good time with their dad tomorrow and I can't wait to see them in the evening.

Friday, March 25, 2016

Annual Check Up

The girls had their annual check ups today and did awesome, as they usually do.  We usually see the nurse practitioner and she always says that every year the girls are the most entertaining patients they have.  We're also very lucky that we've now made it 4 years in a row without any sick visits.  I've only had to  have a pink eye med called in to a pharmacy but other than that we've only had colds and bugs that could be treated at home.  Soooo lucky.

Annika again started this year's visit with "I have to keep my private parts private, are you going to look at my privates??!!"  At least she knows they should be kept private but she yelled it and half the office heard and started laughing.

She did it last year too, here is the post from Annika's 5 year check up:

The girls are both in the 50th percentile for height.  Annabel is in the 50th percentile for weight, Annika in the 70th (that child has amazing muscles, she can do real, full push ups like a man!).  Both girls also have perfect hemoglobin!  That's something I always struggle with, I actually have to take 3 iron supplements a day to increase my levels.  Annabel's level was actually double of mine!

But what I did not realize was that Annabel had to get her shots for kindergarten even though she doesn't start kindergarten until 2017.  She'll have to register and turn in her shot records by February of next year so she had to do her 3 vaccines today.  I didn't warn her or prep her for it so when the NP walked out to get the shots I told her and she said "what??  You no tell me I get shots today!"  Oh was she angry with me!  She was soooo good though, only cried a second but she has now been telling me about her arm hurting and that she got shots for the past 12 hours.  She even told strangers while we were out today that "I got 3 shots today and momma no tell me".

Here she is sporting her 3 band aids.  The NP gave her an orange one because of her hair color, an Olaf one because she knows all little girls like Frozen and a Rapunzel one because she knew she better throw a princess in there, haha.

The NP also suggested speech classes for Annabel again.  It looks like I only posted about her evaluation last time:

We completed our 8 weeks of speech and she was kicked out, it turned out Annika was talking for her but when Annabel was totally alone she would speak and if she was forced to speak on her own she would talk.

Our issue now is that people rarely understand what she's saying but me and Annika totally know what she means.  The NP said she could barely understand 50% of it but asked me to ask her school teachers what they thought and if they agreed to have them call for a speech evaluation again.  Luckily since she's in school now they may be able to get a speech therapist to go to her school to do her therapy, last time we had a hard time scheduling the time with my work.  So we'll wait and see next week what her school things.  I'd like to get it at least checked before she goes into elementary school and just catch it early.

Other than that it was a really good visit and I'm so thankful for healthy little girls :)

Thursday, March 24, 2016

Rules For Dating

I just got back from my first date.  We had a lot to talk about, it was a really nice time.  I only had 2 hours to go out because I didn't want to keep the girls at the babysitter's house for too long.

I'm going to go out with him again, I think.  I'm having a hard time with this one.  While he was very nice, sweet, funny the kiss was....blah.  Is that bad?  I've kissed other people and there's an instant connection.  Not so much here...maybe we need to try it again, and not in a parking lot by my car.  But it did disappoint me a bit.  It may be because the last 2 I dated were very aggressive and he was just kind of sweet and I'm not used to sweet, nice guys??

We actually have rules for dating, during our separation and now divorce we agreed to try not to "fuck up the kids".  It's really one of the most important things for me.  I don't want the girls seeing all different guys I'm dating and get confused.

Most rules are specific to me, but I did agree to them for our safety, people are crazy out there!

1. My first date I will meet the guy in a public place.
2. I do not tell them my last name unless I feel comfortable.
3. No guys at my apartment until a few dates in (this is so people don't know I live alone with the girls) and only if the girls are not home.
4. Neither one of us discloses personal information about each other or the girls, where we work, where we live, where the girls go to school, or any of the plans the other person may have (for example him telling a date I'm going to be a certain place at a certain time, I don't want a crazy woman looking for me!).
5. No one meets the girls until the relationship is exclusive, lasted at least 3 months, looks like it may be going somewhere and the other person has to be comfortable with it (meaning if he's dating someone that I know does something questionable he's going to have to convince me otherwise).

I also have some dating requirements for the guys I go out with.  I feel like this time I can be picky, I'm in no rush but I also don't want to waste my time with someone when it won't work out:

1. Must have their own place to live (no roommates), own car and job (seems basic but half the guys that have contacted me on Match didn't meet this one).
2. Must have children.  This one is important to me.  I need someone to understand what I'm going through, I also feel more comfortable with the girls possibly being around someone who knows how to deal with children.
3. No criminal record!
4. Funny, can hold a conversation, likes to go out and do things!
5. No alcoholics or even heavy drivers (I just can't watch it again).
6. Compatible zodiac sign.  I know this one is crazy but every time I've ever tried to be with someone and their sign was compatible with mine it just didn't work out (I'm divorcing someone with sign that was not compatible).  So yes, crazy, but in my head this is an important one :)

I can't think of anything else but so far those are the dating rules and dating requirements I have.

Are there any you think I should add?

Wednesday, March 23, 2016


You guys.  I have a date, with a stranger, tomorrow.

We've been separated since last May and about a week after the separation he (I will no longer be using his name to protect his privacy) started dating.

While we still husband and wife legally I know we both were done last year.  Over it.  We weren't compatible in many ways and rarely saw each other because of his work schedule.  Moving on for him was difficult and dating was the way for him to get over me (so he said).  He's gone on 100s of dates and is very open about it.  I like to remind very private with things like that, especially for the girls.

I did date someone too, briefly, actually there were 2.  I did really like both but in the end it wasn't going to work with either.  What I appreciated from both was the honesty in both relationships with each other.  If something is wrong we told each other.  If I didn't like what going on or something they did I told them.  We never did that with our marriage.  I would get angry, he would ignore what I said or say I was wrong and tell me to forget about it.

Now I know that dating while still married was probably wrong but just those 2 guys opened my eyes up to how relationships should be.  How you can be happy with someone and how you can communicate with someone.  Even though I'm not with either I think both were good experiences.

But I knew both of those guys previously.  This guy is from Match.  Scary!

Let me tell you Match can be a bit crazy.  I put some pictures on my profile, created a horrible bullshit paragraph about myself and within minutes I had guys interested.  I seem to appeal to the over 55 year old crowd which I am not into (even though the two guys I dated were 9 years and 13 years older than me).  I've had some really creepy guys contact me.  I've blocked a few.

So this guy I'm going on a date with seemed pretty normal and doesn't seem like he just wants a hook up.  Our date works too to prevent anything "funny" because my babysitter is watching them during a 2 hour window.  I've texted and talked on the phone with him and so far seems pretty normal but I will have my guard way up.

I'm looking forward to incorporating a little of my dating experiences on this blog now, it's a whole new life!  I haven't dated in 10 years and so much has changed!

Tuesday, March 22, 2016

Why I Got Breast Implants

I've been wanting to write this post FOREVER!  This is extremely personal and I don't believe I have addressed either of the topics here before.

I really have always had body image issues.  It's horrible to think but I have been on a "diet" since I was around 8 years old, that was the first time I felt fat.  It makes me sad when I look at pictures of myself around that age and see that I was just a normal sized girl.

Everyone seems to blame it on ballet, I took it from 5 years old until I was 13.  I went to a very intense school and we were always told to suck in our fat tummies and "if you aren't careful with lunch you won't fit into your recital costume".

At 11 years old I was diagnosed with anorexia.  I would tell my parents I was buying lunch at school and save my money instead and just sit there.  For breakfast I would tell my mom that I would eat it on the way to the bus but instead I'd either give it to a friend or throw it away.  My mom was always a bit weird with food too so she would eat before I got home for dinner, so either I'd say I had a big lunch or I'd pretend to eat and when she wasn't looking I'd dump it in the trash.

I saw a councilor, hated it, decided to eat to make my parents happy.  I had relapses at 15 and the most severe at 20 where at 5'2 I weighed 80 pounds.

I made a full recovery by 22, got married, never talked about it again and then I turned 30.  I became obsessed with my weight, what foods I couldn't eat and strange reasons for it, and worked out like crazy.

I've never had breasts, really I haven't at all.  At my consult in December of 2014 I was a 32AA wearing bras from the children's department of Target!  I was wearing a size 0 in clothes and even though I wasn't overweight I was not a good looking weight for my size.  I had people at work, who have known me for 10 years, telling me I looked too thin and sick.

I was, mentally I was that 11 year old girl again and I had the same body.  I read some research that women that get breast implants boost their confidence and are able to feel more comfortable at an appropriate weight.  I didn't like how I looked with the few extra pounds without a chest to balance it out.

So I did it, January of 2015 I got saline breast implants.  Now at over a year post opt I am a 32D and incredibly happy with how I look, even with the 10 pounds I gained after surgery.

The surgery was not easy though.  I took 11 days off of work.  The pain was INTENSE.  Since I worked out so much my chest muscles were super tight.  People never believe me when I say the recovery and pain was worse than both of my c-sections.  But the end result was worth it.

Here I am before:

And here are two more current pictures of me:

I now feel confident and comfortable with my body.  Instead of starving myself I have, with the help of friends, starting creating a menu each week for me and the girls to have the same dinners together.  I am a health weight and size and finally have energy, which I never had much of before.

I will be happy to answer any questions you may have :)

Monday, March 21, 2016

Spring Break 2016

The girls and I were lucky enough to spend last week in Arizona with my aunt and uncle.  They live on a farm sort of in the middle of nowhere and it's amazing!

Look at that sunrise over Little Thumb Butte!

Annika and I traveled out there in 2011 after my parents died and before I was even pregnant with Annabel.  So this was Annabel's first time on a plane and Annika's second, although, she doesn't remember the first flight at all.

The girls were angels on both flights!  I don't have tablets or i-pads or anything like that for them.  They both packed some crayons and coloring books and we colored together the whole time!  I got so many compliments on how well behaved they were.  The people on the flight there didn't even realize kids were sitting behind them!

We did so much while we were there.  

The zoo.

Farm chores, scooping horse poop!

 The Grand Canyon!

Roasting marshmallows.

Horseback riding.

Climbing rocks on the side of a mountain, AKA scaring the shit out of their mother.

We had very cold mornings, starting at the lowest 25 degrees.  The warmest day it reached 75 and that was the last day we were there.  We had a blast!

Sunday, March 20, 2016

I'm Back!!

I don't even know where to begin.

First off I didn't realize I started the posts with my parents' ashes and then dropped off the face of the earth for 5 months.  I really, really, really want to get back into blogging again.  Let's just see how it goes.

So updates, starting back in October-ish...

~Annabel started school!  She loves it, her teachers tell me she's their favorite, she's speaking more than ever, she's developed and adorably sassy personality.  She's really becoming her own little person now.

~Annika loves kindergarten.  She's super advanced for reading and gets to check out the "big kid" books at the library.  They talked about skipping her to 2nd grade but I don't want her to next year, I'm worried she'll feel too "young".

~Our house sold in January.  We have now been separated since June 2015, our divorce will be finalized on May 3rd.  I will address this a bit in another post another day.

~The girls and I moved to a wonderful apartment only 5 minutes away from the beach.  It's an older complex but so far we are loving it.  The girls now share a room with a bunk bed and they love it.

~I'm doing good.  Really I am.  I'm happy besides the occasional stress I feel from being a single mother and getting very few breaks to just breathe.  But it is getting easier.  I need to learn to ask for help which I hate doing, especially since I no longer have any family locally.

So again, sorry for being so sporadic with my blogging but I'm hoping to get back to it now!