Friday, September 23, 2016

What People Don't Tell You About Divorce

I guess I never really paid attention to what happens when people get divorced, you know, besides the whole "they don't live together thing".

Here are some things I've learned.

1. You split your friends and you don't get to chose who you keep.  I lost a lot, he lost a lot and both of us together lost a lot.  There are people who just don't speak to either one of us anymore.

2. You don't get invited to play dates.  Seriously.  It's sad for the girls but pretty much all of their friends have married parents and it doesn't seem like "the single mom" gets invited, or that's our case.

3. If you change your name back (which I did) people will ask you why.  Like, why because they haven't figured out on their own that you are now divorced.

4. People will ask you how your husband is doing MONTHS after separating or divorcing.  It's so awkward when you explain you don't have a husband anymore.

5. People will say stupid shit, see #4.  I've gotten "Oh you seemed so happy on Facebook", "Your kids don't seem like they come from a single parent home", or "When are you getting married again?"

6. People will start planning wedding #2 the second you start dating someone the opposite of your first husband.

7. Dating is weird.  Dating as an adult is weird.  Dating with kids is weird.

8. People were waiting for you to get divorced.  Just ask the 3 mutual Facebook friends that immediately asked me on a date.

9. People knew you were doomed from the start.  I'm making it a new rule that if I see a relationship that doesn't seem right I'M GOING TO BE THAT FRIEND THAT SPEAKS UP. I don't even care.  I'm saying "he's awful and we all hate him/her".  You know why?  Divorce is expensive, I paid over 4 times the amount I paid to get married to get divorced.

10. Your kids are kind of confused.  Annabel doesn't seem to remember us ever being married, we've only lived away from him for almost 10 months.  Annika says she likes not living together and getting alone time with both of us.  But then sometimes Annika asks for "family day" so we can all hang out together (we can't because we just don't get along, it's not a good environment for the girls).  I expect the girls to be confused for a while but we both explain things to them that we're happier living apart but we love the girls the same.  Annika seems to be fine with the entire adjustment.  Annabel usually misses whatever parent she isn't with.  It is tough with kids.

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