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Known texted me Monday night, "I'm across the street from your place now working." Umm...okay (he repairs things at restaurants so he was in the plaza across from my neighborhood). Then he says he'd like to see me Wednesday, which is today...He has been to my place a few times and I'm comfortable with him being here while the girls are only because he was a really good friend for years. He's actually babysat the girls for me when I had a work event, twice.
Again, Known hasn't tried to reach out and make plans with me in about 2 weeks. At the time our schedules didn't coordinate so I canceled on him. Before that it was about 3 weeks. So at this point I would say I haven't actually seen him, besides when his daughter babysat for me 2 weeks ago, in 6 weeks for anything "date" related.
I don't know what's going on with him, but today he has to tell me what he wants.
It has to be tonight because Diver and I also talked Monday. He's invited me and the girls over for dinner. I told him immediately that I do really like him but my #1 focus in life right now is "don't fuck up my children". His daughter will be there so we're setting it up as a play date, there will be no affection in front of the girls, we are friends, that is all. I don't want to confuse them until we discuss it and we're not at that point yet.
I was hesitant to have the girls meet him this soon but I do really like him a lot.
Then one of my best friends sent me this article:
http://thestir.cafemom.com/love_sex/167200/why_its_better_to_introduce
Why would I invest the time with this guy only to find out the girls are uncomfortable around him? What if they don't get along with his daughter? (She's darling so I doubt that would be the case!) What if he doesn't like them? What if I don't like how he acts around them?
So I know A LOT of people will not support my decision but it's mine and it's what I'm doing.
BUT, if Known wants what I want, a relationship, a partnership, something we can build together, I would cancel dinner with Diver. I can't lead him on like that. I just honestly don't think Known knows what he wants (also we have a 14 year age difference that he seems to worry a little about while I'm fine with it). He's also never stated how he feels about the possibility of technically having to help me raise my girls right at the point where his kids are moving out! I'm not sure he'd want to start all over again with my two.
With Known the girls are very comfortable with him. They really like him, he's fun, they get along, they think he's funny and we LOVE his kids. His daughter is my only babysitter and his son is great too. I actually go out to lunch and go to the mall with his daughter alone sometimes. When we bought our house we had 2 years ago the kids actually helped us move.
Clearly the biggest hurdle with Known is the lack of contact and I don't know what he's looking for.
All opinions are welcome. Would you introduce your children to a "friend" after a few weeks of dating? Would you date someone more than 10 years older or younger than you? What would you say to Known?
I'm not sure I'd introduce so soon, I mean its only been a couple of weeks. Then that might open the door for the ex introducing people in/out of his life. So far Divers communication has been spotty, are you sure he's not dating other people? Known sounds like he keeps busy with his kids and they are his priority. The age gap can be tricky if you are in this for the long haul. He would hit retirement age 14 years before you, then expect you to supplement his social security payments. I only speak of this issue because its happening with DH's dad, but his age gap is 18-20yrs. If its a big deal to him then you need to break it off. Keep the relationship with the babysitter, those are hard to find! You def need to sit down and talk to him, though he sounds like a bad communicator.
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