It was exactly a year ago when I started the slow unravel of my life that I just wasn't happy with. This was the day that I realized that for a very long time I was faking happiness in photos, blog posts and life in general. The life I was living was suffocating me. I couldn't be myself. I was depressed. I needed out.
In all reality I could have stayed. I could have blocked out the judgmental comments, the constant need to control my ever move, the insults, the controlling behaviors....even the single marriage therapy session I went to, I could have participated more but once the talks started I shut down. Why? Why am I hear listening to lies?
But what example would that be for the girls? Do I want them to grow up thinking it's okay for a man to do the things that were going on in our home? Do I want them to see me stressed and upset all the time? The fights?
For me it wasn't going to get better. There were always theses phases of time where things seemed a little better but then they'd get bad.
I wasn't perfect either but after so long I just gave up, shut down, over it.
One year ago I was miserable and when I look at my life today I cannot believe the change.
Nice Guy and I are still dating, last night we went to his son's baseball game.. It was fun! The girls (Annika, Annabel and his daughter) played the entire time. I caught them a few times walking around holding hands together. His son told him he was glad we came and watched him play (it's going to take a while to win over his son, he's 10 and very protective of his dad).
Last weekend Nice Guy and I went to a theme park just the two of us and had an amazing weekend together. He's a total gentlemen, quiet, calm, fun to be with...
The girls are happier too. They've both told me they like having two homes...I was so worried that this whole thing would mess them up, while things could still happen right now they are so happy.
You only have one life so you just have to do what you need to in order to make it a happy one and in one year I have fully accomplished that. I cannot wait to see what's to come.
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