Wednesday, October 3, 2012

Anxiety Again

I never like to admit when I don't feel "right" but this is another one of those weeks.

The 2nd year anniversary of my mom dying is still 2 weeks away and yet I already can't stop thinking about it and I hate that!  I honestly like to forget things ever happened but I know that I can't.

I get annoyed that my mom wasn't with me on Saturday when I went to a consignment sale to buy Annika some new clothes.  The early pass I got said that you could either bring your mother or your husband (no kids).  So that left me as one of the only people all alone in the line to get in.

I hate hearing about other people going to dinner with their parents or their parents coming over to visit.

I really hate hearing other people complain about their parents!

I always get sad when I watch Annika in ballet class when other one of the girls has their grandmother come watch them.  Annika will never have that, I'm the only one that is able to come to watch class because of the schedule.

I was upset the other morning because I ordered Annabel her Christmas dress for this year and I knew my mom would have loved it.  I sent the picture to my cousin because I knew she was awake and would respond to the picture :-)  Josh helped me pick it out and we got her the red turtleneck shirt to go underneath and the set of headbands.  I swear she's going to look like a little doll.

I'm also upset that my parents never even got to see Annabel.  They didn't even get to see Annika turn 1 (my dad did but only in pictures since he was in ICU right before she turned 1 and died after).


  1. (((HUGS))) I'm so sorry for all your a going through. I know there is nothing I can say to make the hurt go away, but I hope over time things get a little easier. You a wonderful mom to your girls!

  2. I know it must be so hard. I can't imagine. I am so sorry. Please know that I care and I will be thinking of you these next few weeks.